Social Etiquette for Swing Dancers

Social Etiquette for Swing Dancers

by Kelly Casanova

This article addresses some of the most commonly asked social questions I’ve received during 45+ years of teaching. Please feel free to contact me with your comments at my website: http://www.kellydance.com or e-mail me directly at Kelly@kellydance.com. Although some suggestions will obviously be more applicable to a private lesson, group class or dance, I have grouped them all together for the sake of efficiency.

A. Personal Hygiene & Property

1. If you do not have time to shower before going dancing, bring a change of clothes and a towel to the hall and make a quick stop at the restroom before joining others. This is especially important if you have a particularly physical or stressful job which results in excessive dirt and/or perspiration.
2. Brush your teeth or help yourself to the mints made available at most dance venues.
3. Take care to ensure that hands and nails are clean and that your nails are filed, not clipped as sharp edges can cause harm.
4. Use deodorant liberally; use perfumes and colognes sparingly.
5. Wash your hands frequently especially before your first dance, after using the restroom, and after your last dance.
6. Leave cumbersome jewelry and valuables in a secure location (e.g. the trunk of your car).
7. Remove your Bluetooth; mute all electronic devices. 
8. Store belongings well under a chair so as not to create a trip hazard.
9. Double-check possessions to ensure you are leaving in possession of your coat, your keys, and your shoes.
10. If smoking is allowed, smoke only in designated areas.
11. Refrain from chewing gum.
12. Keep the volume of your conversation appropriate to the environment.
13. Discard all empty bottles, cups and other unwanted items in an appropriate manner.

B. Payments & Registrations

1. Pay for private lessons, group classes, and dances before initiating the activity. At group activities, greet the door person with a smile and have your payment ready to help the line move quickly.
2. Although “At-the-Door” tickets may be available, convention tickets are normally sold online, and most events offer “early bird pricing” as an incentive to register early. Consider reserving your hotel room early as well as you can usually cancel within the specific hotel’s window at no charge, but if you wait, you might not be able to reserve a room at the discounted group rate. If you need to cancel your weekend plans, contact the event director before notifying the hotel so the event can offer the discounted room to another attendee and explain their refund policy on event tickets.

C. Video Policies

1. Although the current norm is for people to use their phones to video/record at will, consider refraining from filming dancers unless you have explicit permission. Although professionals are accustomed to being on camera, many of them have their own social media platforms that offer multiple videos of them dancing that curate their specific brands and they do not appreciate others gathering followers using their talents. 
2. Local venues and conventions all have their own video policies. At local venues, check with the instructor for the evening. At conventions, emcees will usually announce when and where filming is allowed; at many events filming is prohibited from certain areas and during specific competitions.

D. Social Interactions On and Off the Floor

1. Pay attention to the emcee or your instructor; if someone is talking to you consider saying, “May we talk later? I’m trying to hear what the emcee/instructor is saying.”
2. Refrain from “helping” partners with instruction. What you may think is being constructive might be construed as criticism and cause people to avoid you. Keep in mind that the most popular dancers are usually the ones that cover for their partners’ mistakes rather than drawing attention to those mistakes.
3. If you came with someone, dance the first and last dance with them. If they are new to the scene, check in with them periodically to make sure they are having a good time, and introduce them to other dancing friends who you know will treat them well so they will have a positive experience and want to come back.
4. Enter and exit the dance floor with consideration towards the other dancers on the floor.
5. Show consideration and respect for other dancers’ territories and maintain a slot appropriate in width and length relative to the space available.
6. Stay alert to shifting slots of other dancers and adapt choreography and footwork to avoid collisions.
7. Profusely apologize for causing any injury or collision; if necessary, help the injured party off the floor to receive medical attention.
8. Respond quickly to a dancer in distress; for example, if someone falls down next to you, help them up.
9. Pay attention to your partner and compliment them on anything they are doing well. Show appreciation either verbally or through facial expressions and body language.
10. Adapt for your partner’s mistakes without drawing attention to your compensations.
11. Place your partner’s feelings and well-being above musicality and the desire to display your abilities.
12. If leading, choose choreography that fits both you and your partner’s abilities and body types. 
13. If following, choose styling and footwork that complements (vs. competes) with your partner’s lead.
14. Although some partners like to walk off the floor with a partner at the end of a dance, many dancers prefer to remain on the floor to create opportunities to find future partners.  Watch your partner for signals that indicate their preference.
15. If a partner corrects your dancing, smile politely and say, “I can see I need more lessons before dancing with you, so I’ll catch you another time.” And then walk off the floor. If they ask you to dance again, be prepared to be given another “lesson”. If you don’t want another “lesson”, respond with the following when they ask you to dance: “I’d love to dance with you if you can refrain from commenting on my weaknesses. I don’t dance well when I feel criticized.”
16. If someone makes inappropriate comments/gestures towards you while dancing or you think you might become physically or emotionally harmed, consider saying, “I need to stop dancing now.” And then immediately exit the floor and head to a safe area.
17. If there is a conflict between you and a partner, and you want to resolve it, consider moving the discussion off the floor to a safe area.
18. If you are attending a regular group class and there is someone you are uncomfortable dancing with, consider these options:
    1. When rotation pairs the two of you, say, “I need to practice by myself.” Immediately start to practice on your own.
    2. Excuse yourself from the room for a drink of water and return to your original position when rotation resumes. 
    3. Approach the instructor before or after the class and share your concerns and ask for their advice/support. Many instructors will separate the roles or change up the rotation to help people who need support with conflicts.
19. If you see something inappropriate, contact the instructor, DJ, emcee, or promoter of the event you are attending and consider filing a report with Swing Reports and Restorations.  For more information, visit the website bit.ly/SafetyandResources or email SwingReports@gmail.com
20. Although dancing is a social event where people catch up with social information, refrain from engaging in malicious gossip. A good policy to ensure that a conversation is appropriate is to confirm that you would be comfortable with anyone in the room overhearing what you are saying.
21. If the discussion turns to a topic that you find uncomfortable and you are unable to express your discomfort, excuse yourself and exit the area.
22. Before leaving, verbally express your appreciation to the instructor, band, DJ, or proprietor for their efforts.

E. Requesting a Dance

1. WCS is an evolving dance form. Since more and more dancers are leading and following and switching and stealing, consider having a brief conversation with a new partner about expectations.  For example: “Hi, I’m Kelly.  I use She/Her pronouns. I’m happy to lead, follow, or switch.  Would you like to dance with me?” (If everyone learned to dance both lead and follow, no one would ever have to sit out and everyone would be a lot more empathetic towards one another!)
2. Verbally request a dance while maintaining eye contact to avoid misunderstandings. It is problematic to simply reach out a hand or nod your head towards a prospective partner.  Non-verbal “requests” are vague and someone standing behind the person you want to dance with might misunderstand and think you are inviting them to dance. 
3. Ask dancers of all levels to dance, and never expect that anyone “owes” you a dance, so refrain from queuing to dance with a pro.
4. Refrain from asking people who are eating or engaged in intense conversation for a dance. Instead, ask those who look like they are available and who smile when you make eye contact. 
5. If you would like to dance with someone you don’t know who is obviously with a partner, introduce yourself to both dancers before requesting a dance. Now you have made two friends instead of one friend.
6. If you ask someone to dance and they look around to see who else is available and are less than enthusiastic, consider saying the following before they respond: “Oh, I can see you are looking for someone in particular. You may find me later when you are available.” And then let them come find you.
7. If someone turns you down for a dance, smile and say something like, “Ok, next time I’ll let you ask ME.” Then, keep your word.
8. If someone who declined your dance invitation invites you to dance later, feel free to ask them again at another time. If they haven’t invited you, consider engaging them in a friendly conversation without the intent of dancing with them. Some people prefer to dance only with people they know well socially. There are numerous reasons why a person might not want to dance with you that have nothing to do with you personally. If many people refuse your dance invitation, ask your teacher before or after class for an honest opinion of why they think people are refusing you. Just make sure before asking that you really want to know the answer.
   

F. Accepting/Declining a Dance

1. If you want to accept a dance invitation, immediately respond to the request with a smile and an enthusiastic affirmative verbal response.
2. If someone asks you to dance and you do not ever want to dance with them, simply smile and say, “No thank you.” If you are momentarily indisposed, you may offer a reason (“This song is too fast for me to stay safe”) and promise to find them later.  If you make such a promise, it is up to you to ask them at the next appropriate moment. It is inconsiderate and disingenuous to repeatedly give lame excuses hoping someone will “get the hint”. When they finally realize that you are not being honest with them, they will most likely not feel at all kindly towards you and are very likely to share that opinion with other dancers. Be kind, but honest; the minute you tell someone you are sitting a dance out, the partner of your dreams will approach you to dance as the DJ plays your favorite song!

Additional Tips

Leads: You may be bored with your material but follows are never bored because they dance with leads who all have different repertoires. Follows are wary of being injured or criticized. It is not your job to entertain follows with fancy moves, rather to keep them safe, be kind, and do your best to stay on time. 

Follows: It is great to experiment with styling and footwork but always remember that in addition to dancing your own dance, your goal is to connect positively with your lead.

Everyone: Dancers who learned to dance decades ago when the dance was taught as a very lead-centric activity may not understand the contemporary practice of follows presenting leads with their own ideas. Take your time with a new partner to discover what form of the dance they are comfortable with and do your best, whether you are a lead or a follow, to meet your partner where they groove.  This attitude will help you expand your own boundaries, and you might find joy in a new way of partnering!

Last, but not least, avoid having an agenda. The universe will let you know what you should be working on by presenting you with different challenges with each partner. Stay open to all the possibilities and pay attention. If you are dancing with a partner who is off-time, work on your own timing. If you are dancing with a person who likes to just stand there, work on your own footwork. If you are dancing with a beginner, make them feel good about themselves. Remember, many of the dancers in your community will most likely be in your life for as long as you continue to dance.

I hope these suggestions help keep your dance relationships safe and fun!

©2026 Kelly Casanova